The Negotiator

Mom:

Taking Advantage of a situation. Every kid does it. Whether they mean to or not. Every kid sees that little space they can get their hand in and just start pulling at it and until it’s large enough to fit their whole self into. Something as simple as getting to take things along with us on a short trip to the sitters to trying to get a later bedtime turns into battle of the fittest.

This morning I inform my little girl that she can bring one baby doll along and a drink as we head out to the sitters. ONE BABY DOLL!! Are you serious? I have 3! Why just one!!?? She attempts to show me that she can carry 3 babies and a drink as I firmly stand there shaking my head no. I flash images of Baby #3 being dropped into drink and causing a spill in the car (because we have moved on from sippy cups) and there being a big mess for me to clean later. One more thing on my to-do list. I firmly tell her that she can either take all 3 baby dolls and no drink or one baby doll and her drink. Seems like a simple decision….but not when she greatly desires all 3 dolls AND her drink.

I think now about it and what’s going through her mind and her emotions as we live through these situations and I wonder…How many times have I as an adult acted the same way? Negotiating simple tasks with others or even within myself. Trying to put as much on my plate as possible cause I can’t let go of something. How do I teach her not to take advantage of every situation when I have the same struggles with contentment?

Dad:

I believe we negotiate a lot through out our days. If you’ve tried to get ready in the morning with a spouse then it is all about negotiations. Who wakes up first, who gets the kids ready, which kid do you want? Driving into work in the morning is one big negotiation. Sure I’ll let you get in front of me, but you had best drive the speed that I want you to or I’m going to give you an earful inside the confines of my car. “J” has that sense to take what you give her and try to squeeze out a little more. It’s like she at a Flea market, and I’m trying to lowball her. Usually with the children it is a pick your battle type mentality because I could be without a voice by the end of the night. Of course bedtimes, and that routine is always in stone unless there is something extraordinary going on. I believe “G” is catching on quickly being 6 months old. He realizes that if he cries either mom or dad will come in to visit him. Go in once, and of course he wants to see you more. Give him a little “real food” and now the boy stops and stares at you when you eat. It’s all easier said than done, in the heat of the moment pride kicks in and you’re in an endless battle about whether or not she can have a refill on the cup of water. Choose the battle, hold firm when it is chosen. No hitting below the belt, shake and come out swinging. Or something like that.

From the corner to Chuck E. Cheese

Dad:
Never expect the midday phone call from my wife to be bad news, but it happened to be that way yesterday. She had been contacted by our daycare provider to let her know that “J” had been put in the corner 3 times. Now my first instinct is to hop in the car and drive down there to give “J” a piece of my mind, but my wife, being the cooler head, asks for my opinion after giving me her thoughts. We eventually settle on letting the day care provider remind “J” that if she gets in trouble 1 more time that she will be missing out on the birthday party, later that evening at Chuck E. Cheese. 3 hours, and no incidents later I am meeting my wife at Chuck E. Cheese. One might think that 6:00 pm on a Thursday might be a slow time for this place, but that is the exact opposite of what this place was. Wall to wall kids, flying all over the place. The decibel level breaking rock concert status. This place was so happening that even a dad had squeezed himself up the ramp and into one of the playground tubes that suspended above the arcade. I watched in shock and awe as he made the circuit as he led his son through it. Looked like a miniature traffic jam with all the kids waiting for this big lug to get out of the way. All in all had a good time. Watched “J” play games, eat pizza, freak out when Chuck E. came out, and eat cake. Somewhere along the way we had lost “G’s” pacifier. Not a good time for a 6 month old to be without a pacifier when he wants to sleep. So mom rushed off to the store to get more while I fed him his bottle. “G” is in the habit of just being cranky during and after his night time bottle, but I have found that he likes for me to hum in his ear. By the time mom had returned “G” was fast asleep in his stroller. 3 hours in a Chuck E. Cheese leaves a very tired mom and dad. I’m just glad it wasn’t my night to wake up with “G.”

Mom:
Dad makes me sound so level headed about J. I couldn’t believe the news that my sweet little princess had kicked a friend, took food from other kids’ plates at lunch, and then pretended to attack their plates like she might eat them. I felt like marching down to our daycare and having a few words with her regarding her behavior as well. I totally applaud her teacher for pulling J away from the situation and having her spend some time in the corner and eventually ended up eating in a separate space as her friends. There is nothing a little show off hates more then losing their audience. As any mom would feel, I felt as though I needed to do something as well to punish her more. Show her who’s boss and in charge here. My first thought was to pull the upcoming Chuck E Cheese birthday party from her but I was soon came back down to Earth and decided that one punishment was enough as long as her afternoon went well. A few hours later I arrived at Daycare to hear if first hand from her. After a sincere apology from J to her teacher, we set off to Chuck E Cheese. I learn in the car that my child has developed a false interpretation of how an apology goes. They are told to apologize when they hit, kick, take a toy, or do any other action that hurts their friends. The person receiving the apology is asked to acknowledge the apology by saying “It’s okay”. J is very adamant that she receive an “it’s okay” back from you. Today I learn from her that her ACTION was “okay” cause her friend told her that. Trying to explain to your 3 ½ year old the simple concept of apologies and acknowledgements can get pretty tricky. Especially once she’s got it in her head that her friends totally mean that “it’s okay”….for her to kick them again! Oh how a little child’s mind works!!